Stupid human tricks, Part 2

More dumb peopleAs I said a while back in my first installment of “Stupid human tricks,” before there could be “Stupid pet tricks,” there had to be stupid people to train them. But stupid people don’t need no stinking pets to be stupid! No, they just need to, well, all they’ve got to do is … breathe.
chip on her shoulderNow, before you start shaking your head in disbelief or disgust here, just consider this – you think you could do this? I didn’t think so. Now, consider this – why the hell are you even thinking about it?
Coke manYou know, we hook this guy up with the woman above and POOF – we have two people who just can’t seem to eat on their own but together … she can get a drink and he gets the cookie. They might call it sympatico. Or maybe stupidico.
mumGeorge! George, wake up … have you seen my broom? I just had it a minute ago and now I can’t find it. Dammit George, wake up and get out of that recliner and help me find my broom!
tortoise manSorry, this was supposed to be a photo of “The Tortoise and the Hare” but the twerp in the rabbit suit took off. Which just leaves this twer… er, tortoise.
peoplejumpAnybody with a horse can stage a steeplechase, but how many people would even come up with the idea of a peoplechase? Not many, for sure. And if that horse don’t pull up his hind hooves a little higher real soon there’s going to be one less of them. Go, Nellie.
tiger sleepingOK, so you’ve been spending the whole day at the zoo, walking around and around and around. Man, could you use a nap right about now. Oh look, there’s the tiger cage. So what should you do – sleep on the floor, or sleep on the tiger? Sleep on the floor, or sleep on the tiger … sleep on the floor, feed the tiger …

Stupid human tricks

dumb-peopleLate-night TV talk show host David Letterman is being clever with his show’s “Stupid Pet Tricks” segments but the comedian’s actual message is really, it takes a stupid person to teach an animal a dumb trick.

But wait just a minute. Stupid people don’t need no stinking pets to be stupid! No, they just need to, well, all they’ve got to do is … breathe.
stupid_human_beings_08 Maybe this isn’t as stupid as it would initially appear. If you look closely, you see the man’s wearing rubber boots and is sitting on a plastic tarp. So that makes him insulated and protected, right? Right.
stupid woodFor some people, you can choose to be the handyman, or the brainyman. But ne’er the twain shall ever meet.
stupid_human_beings_18Yes sir, the guy with the hatchet is stupid. And the one on the right taking this exercise seriously is really stupid. But what about the soldier in the middle, who’s prepared for what may happen by clamping his eyes shut? Remarkably stupid.
Stupid-People-Doing-Unsafe-Things-11For the sake of this holy person, let’s all say a prayer that while he certainly was dumb, the tiger cub proved to be dumber. Or at the very least to possess the patience of a saint.
People-Doing-Stupid-Things4As in karate, there are degrees of stupid. One of these three stooges had to think this one up. Make him a black belt, first-degree. The other two had to go along with it. A black belt, second-degree, for each of them. And for all three, let’s award them honorary burns, third-degree. Oh, and the guy in the middle gets extra credit for willingly looking like Jim Carrey.
mowing the hedgesYou know, the more I look at this, the more I’m thinking … this isn’t so stupid.