There goes the neighborhood

mad faceI’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore …

… so I’m going to blow up my house! No, I’m going to blow up your house! No, not that either – I’m going to bulldoze a bunch of them!

A couple weeks ago, a 69-year-old man in Poland wakes up to find the house empty and a note left for him by his wife. Just want you to know that me and the kids have gone out for a picnic. See you later.

He gives her a call. One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy …

“He called me on the mobile phone and demanded that I got home, but when I refused he said he was going to get revenge. I did not take him seriously and then I returned home to find this,” she said, according to a news report.

Revenge? You mean like packing up a couple sandwiches, grabbing a bottle of wine and going on his own picnic? Not exactly. More like start a fire in the basement and throw in a couple of gas canisters for good measure and kablooey – there goes the house. And there goes the husband to the hospital with critical injuries as he didn’t get out before the explosion dropped the roof on him.

So there. See if you ever go on a picnic without me again.

And then there’s the guy living in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia, who complained to his next-door neighbor about his lawn.

You! Yeah, you. Your lawn ... mow it!

You! Yeah, you. Your lawn … mow it!

“Slapped me across the face and said, ‘Mow your grass,” the neighbor told the local TV station. “My grass was too tall for him.”

Maybe he was considering the property values or something. In any case, man-of-too-tall-grass decides to take the neighborly advice and fire up his mower. Unfortunately not quickly enough.

“He kicks my door, tells me I’ve got five seconds to come outside,” the man recalled. “I turn around and call 911. And while I’m on the phone he comes back with two gas cans in his hand. Walks up to my kitchen door again, takes a gas can, smashes it against the glass, breaks the first pane. Then he … grabs a brick, throws it through the window. And then he grabs a gas can and starts pouring it into the kitchen. And as he’s pouring he takes his lighter and lights it.”

The man grabbed his 3-year-old daughter and managed to get out before the flames not only consumed his house, but them with it. The neighbor managed to get away before the police came calling over at his place. He’s still being sought.

The guy was a “pretty good neighbor,” says the burned-out resident, that is until “he just went complete psycho.”

You don’t say. The jerk just TORCHED your house. And your lawn didn’t get mowed either. Anybody ever tell you that you have a real knack for understatement?

And speaking of psycho, there’s more than one way to get a message to your neighbors. You can come knocking. You can send a card. You can pick up the phone. Or you can climb up into your bulldozer and fire it up. Call it the “up-close-and-personally-into-your-front-door-approach.”

Neither, rain, nor snow, nor truck, nor home shall keep this bulldozer from its destructive rounds. (Keith Thorpe/Associated Press)

Neither rain, nor snow, nor truck, nor nearby homes shall keep this wacko man and his bulldozer from completing his destructive rounds. (Keith Thorpe/Associated Press)

According to a syndicated news report, a “highly agitated” Washington state man gave his neighbors a piece of his mind by bulldozing through four of their homes recently. The rampage, attributed to a property line dispute that had been “brewing for some time”, also brought down a 70-foot electricity pole, leaving thousands in the area without power for up to 12 hours.

The 51-year-old man “just went nuts,” said one neighbor, while another said she wasn’t very surprised, adding that when she heard the bulldozer start up, she knew the man was about to get feisty.

“We all said one of these days Barry is going to take that dang CAT and he’s going to start tearing up people’s property and that’s what he did,” she remarked to a TV reporter.

Three different homeowners, in three different parts of the world, all going berserk and taking it out on their own or the nearest home-sweet-homes.

There’s got to be a reason. A common denominator.

I’ve got it – global warming.

We’re carbonating our atmosphere, melting our icecaps … and deep-frying our brains.


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