Go potty, or get off the pot

potty seat sleepFirst, I want to say I had no problems being potty-trained as a kid. My mom just opened the door, let me and our St. Bernard out into the backyard and said, “Go potty.” When we were done, we came back to the door and she let us in. No problem.

Did have an issue wearing clothes to go to kindergarten, though. And caused a few incidents during recess, I’m afraid. But, as they say, one must live and learn. I lived, everyone else had to learn.

All this came to mind while I was reading an article today by Associated Press writer Leanne Italie on the coming of summer. Thanks to her story I’ve learned this season also is known as “tinkle time” for many parents of toddlers who have yet to shed their diapers and be formally introduced to the mysterious art of potty training.

“Toddler, meet toilet. Toilet, this is toddler. Please bond. Many thanks. Oh, and remember to leave the seat down. Otherwise Mama will kill you.”

Seems pretty straight-forward. But this is 2013, a.k.a. the modern age. Which means potty training is now … involved. No, not evolved. Involved. As Italie writes, “… like so many aspects of life with kids, potty training means gear, lots of gear.”

No, not lots of rears. Lot of gear … a.k.a. potty seats. As Italie also states, “something happened on the road to bathroom independence. The choices in potty seats and chairs proliferated and sprouted all manner of bells and whistles.”

Maybe it's just me, but I think this would be much more effective with Cookie Monster, not Elmo. "Coookies! Me want cooookies!" Seems a better fit to me.

Maybe it’s just me, but in my mind I gotta believe that this one would be much more effective with Cookie Monster, not Elmo. “Coookies! Me want cooookies!” Seems a better fit to me.

Potty seats. Bells and whistles. Sheesh. We’re talking about crap here. We’re talking about pee. We’re talking about neither being in your pants, neither being on the floor, neither being in the car seat or the restaurant booth. People, we’re talking evacuating here, not nuclear waste management.

But no, parenting in the modern age can’t be easy, can’t be straight-forward. It evidently has to be … ingenious.

Cute kid. Cute idea. Seems to be working too. Sure hope the child doesn't equate toilet with ladybugs and do this for life.

Cute kid. Cute idea. Seems to be working too. Sure hope the child doesn’t equate the toilet with ladybugs …

... or a duck ... if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then when nature calls ...

… or a duck … if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then when nature calls, squat on a duck …

... or a green bunny, frog, bunny-frog with handlebars, something. Kid only goes on this and he's got problems answering call of nature ... out in nature.

… or a green bunny … or frog … or bunny-frog with handlebars … something. Your toddler only goes on this and he’s got problems – YOU got problems if he hears the call of nature … out in nature.

People … just open the door, shoo them out, say “go potty,” and poop! – you’re done. Worked for me. Worked for my kid. It can work for you.

Oh. My. Freaking. Head. This isn't even funny.

Oh. My. Freaking. Head. This isn’t even funny.

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4 thoughts on “Go potty, or get off the pot

  1. I really thought you were commenting on the new survey out yesterday, about all the poop found in public pools. Poop, not pee.

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