We’re making a list …

Leave it to eHarmony to come up with a concise and clear list of the top 10 complaints men have about women when it comes to dating and relationships.

I mean, who better understands men than an online dating service? It’s not that we men can’t think for ourselves. We just prefer not to think about such things. Actually we prefer not to think about much of anything, if we can get away with it.

So, being a well-trampled man of the world, let’s see if they got this right.

You say potato …  I say french fries …

1. You see us as projects you can fix.

Oh, how we so hate being thought of as just a piece of … a project. We say it and say it and say it again – we can’t be fixed. You’re lucky we even work as well as we do. You want to fix something? Try stopping that dripping faucet in the kitchen. I haven’t got a clue.

2. Your expectations are set by Hollywood and sky high.

Now, if I know that Hollywood isn’t real, then you should know that Hollywood isn’t real. There’s no such actual man as George Clooney. But if your expectations are set on  Dirty Harry or Chuck Norris or Godzilla … well, now you’re talking real. We can work with these.

3. You’re always looking down the road.

Sigh – men don’t look down the road. We don’t look up the road. We don’t need to. We know exactly where we’re going, which also is why we don’t need to ask for directions.

4. You use your emotions as a weapon.

Is that crying? Are you crying?? There’s no crying in relationships!!

5. You have a tendency to be critical.

Tut-tut, we’d really appreciate if you’d take a more, shall we say, positive approach toward us and our manly ways. Instead of knocking us for lying on the couch, drinking beer, dropping crumbs and passing gas while watching TV from dawn until dusk, it might be better to look on the bright side. Maybe compliment us on how dedicated we are to not only do what we do best, but strive and commit to do it better than the rest. Yeah, that’s it.

6. You like to play coy.

We don’t play coy. We don’t play Monopoly, Life, Scrabble, or cribbage either. We like to play poker, though we really don’t know if three-of-a-kind beats a straight.

7. You fixate on what we’re thinking, when you should be watching what we’re doing.

Simple reason for this. If you watch what we’re doing, you’ll see that it’s nothing. Ergo, now you also know what we’re thinking.

8. You don’t understand and/or like our need for alone time.

Yeah, and we’re not just talking about reading Popular Mechanics in the bathroom after dinner. We sometimes like to bang things with our tools in the garage. Or play for hours washing the driveway with a hose. Because we can be sensitive too. It’s a beautiful thing.

9. You have a complicated set of double standards.

As far as we’re concerned, anything more than one standard is complicated. In fact, we’re not even sure we’re straight on that one.

10. You want us to change, and then lose respect for us when we do.

Of course that’s not logical. Who ever said we were logical?

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