In case you were wondering, there’s a new theory about Stonehenge.
You know, that monumental pile of stones from the Stone Age that has everyone baffled and theorizing as to who made it, how they made it, and why they made it. Was it the Druids who used it for ceremonies and human sacrifice? Was it conjured by Merlin, the Arthurian legend’s wizard, as a mythical burial site? Was it thrown together by a bunch of very large, muscled aliens showing off for the pip-squeak locals?
Who knows. Maybe one, maybe all, maybe none of the above. The latest idea, in a new book called “Stonehenge: Exploring the Greatest Stone Age Mystery” by Parker Pearson, states that it was the work of a lot of people, literally pulling together (really, no caca) as “an act of unification.” Sort of a rock version of a community barn-raising.
“Hey, fellow Stone Age people, what do you want to do this weekend?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about let’s grow closer as an early human society by gathering up a bunch of 40-ton slabs, drag them out into that field there and stand them up in a circle?”
“Sounds cool, Hey everybody, c’mon let’s get socialized!”
I guess it’s plausible. Though, I’m not sure why everyone’s been just sitting around, pondering this mystery for all these years.
Especially since for a long time there’s been a way to find out the answer to this mystery, or any question about anything in the past. Well, since I was a kid at least, which is almost as far back as Stonehenge. I saw it on “The Rocky and Bullwinkle” cartoon show.
Uh, Mr. Peabody? Sherman? Please set the Wayback Machine to “Time of Stonehenge”. OK, let me get in the machine here. Now, would you be so kind and pull the lever? Thanks.
Hello, nearly 3,000 years ago. I’m standing in a field, nice day really, and over there I see Stonehenge. It looks, well, it looks nearly 3,000 years newer. Oh, and there I see a Stone Age man, working in the field, right near the monument.
Let’s go solve one of life’s greatest mysteries, shall we?
“Excuse me, I’ve come here from nearly 3,000 years in the future to find out what is the real story behind Stonehenge over there.”
“Over there, those big stones, set in a circle. You know, Stonehenge.”
“You mean stone fence.”
“It’s called Stonefence?”
“Uh, yeah – what else would you call it?”
“Aha – well, this is monumental stuff, indeed! Please understand that this structure is a mystery to me and all of the people in my time.
“So, speaking of monumental, I’ve also come to find out the true use of this massive structure. Why is it here, sir? Does it have some kind of religious significance? Maybe used for human sacrifice to your gods, or to study the stars, or chart the seasons? And who built this massive thing … might it have been an alien race visiting from another planet? Hmmm?”
“Nope, me and Herb, my brother-in-law, built it. He’s strange, for sure, but I wouldn’t call him an alien. Dumber than most of those rocks, but strong as an ox, he is.”
“You two built it?”
“That’s what I said – they speak much English from when you come from?”
“Sorry, I’m just amazed by this. The people in my time will be so surprised to find this out. So, if you built it, why is it here? Again, please know there are millions, billions and billions even, who want to know. Solve the mystery for all of us.”
“I put the cows in there to keep them out of my garden.”
“You built Stonehenge to keep cows out of your garden!?!?!?”
“Nooooo … I built a stone fence to keep the cows over there, out of my garden.”