Getting down with “down time”

I’ve been out of commission for work, driving, cleaning, cooking, just about everything, for more than a week now and from what I’ve been told, it may be this way for many of these things for quite a while yet.

I must admit I am not a very cooperative recuperative person. I just don’t do “time off” very well. I don’t do days off, I don’t do sick days, I don’t do vacation days.

Not only do I not do them well, for the most part I don’t know what to do with them when I have to take any of them. I usually draw a blank on how to handle any “down time.”

“Just don’t do anything,” my wife says.

“How do I do that?”

“I give up.”

So imagine my enthusiasm when my surgeon told me I needed to have both knees replaced as soon as possible. And that, on average, each one takes about three months of rehab before the new knee is back to full use and the patient to complete recovery.

Oh, really.

Add to that, he tells me he doesn’t do both knees at the same time. So, one gets done this month and the second in July.

Oh, really really.

And then he also mentions one usually cannot drive for six weeks following the replacements. So, you should prepare for a lot of rehab and recovery time, plan for taking time off from work as well as envision how best to handle the “down time.”

Oh, freakin’ really really.

“I trust I am allowed to eat during all of this time.”

“You know, very few people have a problem with anything that I’ve told you so far.”

“Think of me like the Marines. The Few. The Depraved. The Workaholics.”

“Well, then maybe this is the perfect opportunity for you to learn now to lighten the load.”

Lighten the load. Just do nothing. Take it easy. Sure. Sounds like a piece of cake. I’ll just ask the professionals: Kids, how do you do it?

Damn – these guys are good. Call them the Special Non-Ops … poetry in no motion.


Up from the bed he arose …

Well, these past few days have not been very much fun at all. Let’s decide now to not do this knee surgery thing ever again. Oh, right. I’m doing it again next month. Silly me. Stupid me.

You know this would have been one helluva good “What I Did on My Summer Vacation” essay if I was going back to third-grade in the fall.

Greetings! Hope all is well with you! Just a quick note to say I’ve been to Hell and presently am on my way back to Earth. Stopped at Mars on the way and can definitively report that author John Gray got it all back-asswards – I saw only women living there. So that’s where they’re from and it’s the men who are from Venus.

Let’s send him a group email, demand a retraction and 100 percent of our psyches back.

Speaking of back, it appears I may be as well. I think I’m going to try this writing thing again later today.

At least, at this point in my recovery, I’m feeling I can use my hands and fingers for something other than to pull my hair out.