Loooove is a many splendored thing …

Ain’t love grand? Why sure, it can be. Can make you weak in the knees, have you seeing fireworks, learn first-hand the meaning of the word “swoon”, get you all hot and bothered under the collar and other places.

But love has another side. A hidden chamber of horror. A dark cavern of doom. A sinister alternate reality where good becomes bad, desire becomes disgust and together becomes apart. It has a name.

Litigation.

What the woof.

This is a puggle. Cute little thing, isn’t it. Cross between a pug and a beagle, I’m told. Why, I’m not told. Makes no sense to me.

I mean, really. You got your puggles, your labradoodles, cockapoos, dorkies, chorkies, whatever. I say you want an Irish Wolfhound, you get one. You want a chihuahua, you get one. You want both? You get one of each – you don’t go breed yourself an Irish chihuahuahound. It’s just not the same. It’s just not right. It’s just not possible. Is it? Don’t answer that. Some things I’d rather not know.

Anyway, this isn’t about canine smorgasbords. It’s about a man, a woman and a puggle. Craig Dershowitz is the man. Sarah Brega is the woman. The puggle is Knuckles. “Knux” to those closest to him.

Here’s the 1st-grade primer version of their story:

Chapter One

See Craig. See Sarah. See Craig and Sarah fall in love in New York City. See Craig and Sarah see Knuckles. See Craig and Sarah buy Knuckles. See Craig, Sarah and Knuckles. See them happily ever after.

Chapter Two

See Sarah scowl. See Craig cringe. See Sarah tell Craig to take a flying leap. See Craig say likewise, I’m sure. See the pug half of Knuckles chase his tail, thinking it’s a beagle behind him.

Chapter Three

See Sarah run. See Craig stay. See Sarah move to California with Knuckles. See Craig hire a lawyer to get custody of Knuckles. See Craig spend $60,000 so far to do it. See Craig go on You Tube and beg for money to help him “Free Knux”. See Knuckles snarl at his butt, thinking maybe that will scare off that damn beagle that’s been following him forever.

The end

Not quite. Craig’s suing Sarah with every dime he has to get his Knuckles. Sarah’s in California, saying Craig’s just a vengeful hateful little man who’ll never have Knuckles.

And so the story goes. Maybe all the way to The Supreme Court. Dear God, please let it go all the way to The Supreme Court.

Actually, I say let the dog decide. They say dogs can sense fear in a person. Not much of a stretch to think they also can sense true love. Probably stupidity too.

Let Knuckles settle this case. Hey, it’s his life. Stand these two ex-love birds up in front of the judge, one on each side of the bench. Then open the door to the courtroom and let Knuckles come in.

Let him pick where and with whom he wants to live the rest of his life. Let him decide which of these people he thinks will offer him the best life, the best care, the best food … the best of everything.

I’ll bet he runs right to the lawyers.

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