This is a golden Mercedes-Benz. No, it’s more than golden, it’s made of gold. GOLD, I tell you – glittery, goldeny, put-your-bite-marks-into-it, disgustingly filthy GOLD gold! The cigarette lighter is gold, the gas pedal, the clothes hooks in the back, the headrests, even the ENGINE is made of it.
Spark plugs too.
Why am I blogging you a picture of a gold Mercedes, you saying right about now. I’ll tell you. Contrary to anything anyone’s ever told you about me, including everyone who knows me … I am RICH beyond your wildest dreams. My wildest dreams, even. RICH, I tell you – glittery, goldeny, put-your-bite-marks-into-my-wallet, disgustingly filthy RICH rich!
No one knew this before now. No one ever asked. Probably because, well, I don’t look rich. But that’s because I’m RICH and can afford to look that way. On top of that, I’ve just never found the right time, the precise moment, to mention it.
Until now. Yes, now is the time.
You see that little number over there on the right side of this page? The one underneath the line that says “Stats: Gimme da numbers”? It’s probably at around 400-something. Well, it shouldn’t be 400-something. It should be 500. And I’m going to get it there … really soon.
Because I’m going to give this car to the 500th person who views this blog. No strings, no gimmicks, no charge for handling and shipping. No caca. Honest. Really. Got the keys (gold, fob too) in one hand as I type this with the other one.
Of course, this is shameless, bald-faced self-promotion. We one-percenters do these kind of things. And no, I’m not going to tell you how I’m going to know who’ll be the 500th viewer. We one-percenters can do that too. We can do lots more things than just not pay taxes, you know.
So, this gold car is going to the person who single-clickingly pushes this blog up to a whole ‘nother level of achievement, catapults it into a higher strata of the blogosphere!
Click early, click often – sorta like voting in Chicago!